Now, here is the true story
This story was told to me by my great-uncle before he died in the 70’s
My great-great uncle Barney lived to be 106 years old. And he was known as the best moon shiner in the entire area for
miles around. He made shine for everyone that lived in or around Tellico Plains, TN. When he died, it was considered a great
loss to one and all, because not only was he a shine maker, but when he died he took his recipe with him. And his funeral
was remembered because of what happened at the funeral.
When he was found dead by his third wife, Lizbeth, she rang the farm bell as long as she could pull the rope. Then she
went in and washed the body to prepare it for burial. Now, with all the bell tolling, everyone for miles around passed on
news of his death. Then they all gathered at his home to pay their respects, as well as drink all the shine he had stored
in his sprang house. Now, the older men sent the younger boys, as they were known, to dig the grave. (any man, no matter what
his age, was called boy by his elders). What they didn’t know, was that the set of four boys were carrying two gallons
of shine down to ‘help’ with the digging.
In those days, graves were dug, of course, by hand using shovels. The first man would start the hole, and toss aside the
dirt into a pile beside it. When he wore out, the next one would take over until the hole was large enough to stand in. Then,
two men would dig at one time, while the other two would lower buckets down into the hole to be filled and then drawn up by
a rope tied to the bucket. When the men in the hole got tired, the other two would climb in as the others ‘rested’
by pulling up the buckets. But in this case, as they rested between buckets, they kelp on taking a long pull or drink from
the jug of shine. Pretty soon they were all so drunk they couldn’t dig anymore or pull up the buckets, so they decided
to just lay down for a ‘short’ nap.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Barney’s coffin had been made and he was laid out in his best attire. All the men were
taking turns to go outside and rest (take another pull on the seemingly endless supply of shine) and then wander back into
the house or jus’ set on the porch and tell joke after joke that they knew about JC. That night, a huge dinner was prepared
by the women and everyone sobered up a little after they had et’.
Then, a wake, as it was known, was declared to start. Because, you see, a dead body was never left alone overnight. So
some brought out fiddles, some got out other musical instruments, and the real party began. Everyone kept right on playing,
and singing, and telling jokes about things JC had done in his lifetime.
Before they all knew it, the sun started to rise and the day of the funeral began. The coffin was loaded on the wagon as
best as they could, after several mishaps of falling down as they carried it, dropped it, or just gave out and told someone
else to carry it while they rested ‘all the while going out and taking more pulls on the shine.
Much to everyone’s dismay, they found the half-dug grave surrounded by piles of dirt and passed out diggers. So they
all had to take turns finishing the grave digging. But the problem was, they were all so completely drunk by now that no one
could hardly stand up, much less dig the grave.
The Preacher showed up, and everyone knew from his stumbling steps, he had had a few ‘pulls’. He looked
at the half-dug grave and decided he better dig it because no one else was in any shape to. So finally the grave was declared
deep enough, even if it was a mite shallower than it should have been. The coffin was unloaded from the wagon and brought
over to rest on top of a pile of the dirt. The Preacher took out his handkerchief and tried to start the eulogy. Meanwhile,
all the men were pulling on jugs they had hid from the preacher behind old tombstones. When it came time to lift the coffin
and put the ropes under it to lower it down in the ground, it took ten very drunk men to do it, because they were constantly
stumbling and falling under the coffin and into the grave, then having to be lifted back out by the others. Finally, they
just sort of dumped the coffin in the grave on its side.
The women were all outraged, of course. Such things like this weren’t supposed to happen at a funeral. But they had
given up long ago, with their stern glances and looks of disapproval and in one body had returned back to the house to clean
up the dishes and pans left over from the huge dinner and late breakfast of the day.
9/19/06
Suzanne
